11 Sep Melanin Money: I’m Not Your Yes Man
If you have been following Ambition for a while, you may remember my post about being a hater. Am I really a hater, no of course not. The real thing is that I just won’t be your yes man.
So in recent days I have attempted to have conversations with several business owners that I have interacted with in various environments. The thing that I have found weird is the resistance to conversation and the immediate sense of defensiveness that comes with the questions.
People who know me, know that I am one of those ‘ok’ people. When people are giving me advice or suggestions, unless it is something I already feel or know I just say ok. I don’t like rushing to agree. At least not anymore. I am a processor, so later on in the day or some times even week I will still be reflecting on the information and trying to figure out what I think about it. People don’t always like that because they think I am blowing them off. I’m not at all but in many cases I need to really think about the full picture. In the moment it may just be a simple inclusion and then when I really get to thinking about it, it becomes a full overhaul.
I also ask a lot of questions. If I don’t understand, I say that and then I ask my questions. I need to understand. I back out of so many conversations because I don’t understand something. So I can have an aggressive/ sarcastic personality. At times I think my questions are taken as sarcasm when I am genuinely trying to gain understanding.
I believe in what I say so I will argue you to the death but I will respect your opinion. I don’t even have the want or desire to change your opinion, I just want you to understand and respect mine.
I say all of that to say this. Stop thinking that someone is attacking you because they ask a question. They simply have a question and then question or suggestion being posed could potentially open some thoughts that you may not have considered. When it comes to business most of the questions that I ask and statements that I make are to be helpful. So I mean nothing negative by it. Am I always right, probably not but if it makes you think then I reached my goal.
One of my friends drives me crazy. Huge supporter, has almost every product that I have ever put out, shows up to all the events, but behind closed doors it’s complaint and suggestions central. The problem with that is this. I believe in both positive and negative reinforcement so if when I give a suggestion I also do my best to present a solution. It may not be the one that you use but at least I assisted. Not this person they just shoot me down and walk away, LOL. I will say that many of the ideas get worked in but in my time. I have to figure out.
Suggestions in many cases are like weight loss, you can’t see it until you do a side by side photo comparison. Suggestions, need that pro and con list so that you can understand what’s in front of you. Don’t completely dismiss feedback. You may turn around one day and realize people are just agreeing you because that’s all you are receptive too.