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What Is This Feeling?


Work with me on this one!

On 9.20.16 I made an attempt to sit down and process my thoughts on the two killings of Black lives at the hands of the police this week. I am struggling to process my thoughts and feelings for several reasons. One is because my mind keeps transitioning in the middle of writing between how I feel as media source with trying to keep up and report, questioning if I even want to report (I’ll come back to that statement), then shifting into my frustration of how this keeps happening. I am tired of new hashtags, exhausted actually.

I don’t even know what to call this feeling. In one sense I have no words. It’s not a literal no words but they are the same words that I said the previous time and the time before that, so it makes me feel as though they clearly don’t matter. There are only so many times a person can ask the same question before they feel as though they are not being heard. We have been hearing all of the arguments and disagreements to all of the NFL players protesting yet you are still displaying the behaviors that caused the protest. You are disgusted by them, they are disrespectful and should leave right. Well guess what, you first! You think America isn’t Great because we are here, you brought us here! After committing genocide, you removed people from their own country and brought them here to work and entertain you. So there was a decision to say hey, let’s try it again. We will commit genocide again but we will do it on a more systematic level so that we not only diminish the race in the literal but we will also kill the spirit of those who we have not found a way to kill yet. So Christopher Columbus do us a favor and leave and take all of those who believe America is not great because of the existence of those who look like me, LEAVE, go discover another land that is truly uninhabited. Did you catch that? I just want you to leave, never once did I wish death on you!

Honestly, I am still not ready. Not one word of the last paragraph is what I intended to say. I will share this with you all and try again later.

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